I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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