if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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