I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
