We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
