u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
