Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
