well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
