Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
