No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
