the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
