It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
