Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
