Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
