I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
