i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
