The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize