Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
