Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize