He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
