ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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