it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
