Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
