I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
