You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize