I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
