It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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