Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
