Don't make out with my wife yet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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