Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love you. Go after that dick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
