I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
