Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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