made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
