I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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