Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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