Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
