I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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