i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
