The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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