good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
