There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
