just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize