I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
