I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
