yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
