Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
