I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
