i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
