when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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