Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize