i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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