She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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