tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
