I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
