you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
