where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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