3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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