I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize