I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
