Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
