every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
