Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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