so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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