I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
