SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he was CRYING into my vagina
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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