A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
