Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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