She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
