Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
