There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
