It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
