She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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