I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
