you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
