bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
