"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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