ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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