I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize