Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
