I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
