I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize