It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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