there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
