i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
