If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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