At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
