Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize