I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
