the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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